Hello my name is Jay Bee and I suck at dating. Yep, There, I said it, I suck at dating and I know i’m not the only one.
Dating is a minefield.
A treacherous path that we all have to navigate in the pursuit of the ever elusive ‘Love’.
I don’t know if I’m coming or going, should I stay or should I go? How much interest should I show? Should I make him wait? My mind is left discombobulated and I end up getting played.
My last dating escapade did not end too well for me (to say the least). It turns out that the ‘Mr’ had a girlfriend all along and I was left feeling like an absolute idiot.
I’m not going to lie; the writing was on the wall (yep, should’ve listened to Destiny’s Child). All the signs warned me of incoming danger but I chose to remain oblivious to it all because I really liked him, and when I was with him I felt good. I enjoyed the attention, the flirtation and just the general banter that passed fluidly between us. I convinced myself that the girl in question, was just a really good friend of his and that I was being paranoid. But when I went looking for evidence of his infidelity, I damn sure found it.
On the other hand I didn’t have a leg to stand on. It wasn’t as if we were ‘official’. But we had been seeing/dating/linking (delete as appropriate) each other for over year and surely I was entitled to feel betrayed, wasn’t I?. There was an unspoken promise between us to remain faithful to each other or so I thought, but he didn’t understand why I was so upset when I confronted him with his lies. ‘Mr’s justifications were as follows:
- He had a lot of female friends but was not in a relationship with them.
- The girl in question was more than a friend but they were not together in a relationship sense (what does this even mean!!!)
He told me a lot of things but not once did he confirm his relationship status. He may not have claimed her but she damn sure claimed him. I had seen the pictures. How naive was I? I was so blinded by lust that I chose to swallow all the bull that he fed me and kept it moving.
However, there comes a point when you can no longer ignore what is staring you right in the face. I held on for so long, in the hope of being his main, when in actual fact I had to admit to myself that I was the side chick and I could no longer allow myself to be someone’s appetizer (and breathe).
I can’t say that he used me, because he didn’t. I willingly let myself get swept up in this situation. I allowed myself to turn a blind eye to things. I let this ‘relationship’ go untitled for so long in fear of rocking the boat. I accept my part in my hurt.
He, however, is not absolved of guilt.
Damn, the dating game has gotten so complicated. It seems as if we have installed a revolving door in our hearts, one in, one out. Everyone is trying to be all polyamorous all of a sudden. No one seems to want commitment in the traditional sense. As Trey Songz said “they say you can’t have cake and eat it too, but ain’t that what you s’posed to do? Ain’t you s’posed to eat it too?”
Welcome to dating .
I for one, I’m not here for it. So, it’s back to the drawing board for me. I have learnt a lot from this brief dalliance and it has made me determined not to settle for any less than I deserve and to fight for what I want out of any relationship that I find myself in. Dating around without any titles is not for me. I’m designed the old school way. I need courtship, not a fling.