I am guilty of being one of the world’s most prolific procrastinators. If procrastination was an Olympic sport, then I would most certainly be Usain Bolt all up on the podium. I’m always finding ways to avoid things and coming up with the most silliest of excuses to put off what I can do today, for tomorrow. Procrastination is so deeply embedded in me that I have gone a year without updating this blog, even though it has been on my to-do-list every single month.
I find that the more I procrastinate the more I doubt my skills, my intellect, my raison d’être. I start to question whether I am actually good enough to achieve this task or this goal and then slowly I just start to put everything on the back burner and sit and lament, and the vicious cycle of berating myself continues on and on.
I am literally in awe of people that have such drive and determination to just keep on going, keep reaching for the stars, whilst I sit wasting time idly watching TV or playing Candy Crush on my phone. I detest myself for being so lazy but I’m trapped in this vortex of fear and it keeps me stuck in a deep abyss where I am rooted on the spot and I’m scared of failing at everything, so I just end up not actually doing anything.
I follow so many inspirational people on my Instagram and Twitter who are expanding their brands and making a name for themselves in this creative space and for most people this would be the spark that lights the fire to get their creative juices going and start making changes. However, for me this just seems to have the opposite effect. I start to think that I am not as talented as them, that I will never amass that much following, that people will just read my post and shake their heads at how mediocre it is. Seriously my thought patterns can be so screwed up at times.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy!
Coupled this with procrastination and well, you can finally begin to understand why this blog has been barren for so long.
It is time that I faced up to my purpose and start taking risks. The years are hurtling by and I can’t just sit back anymore and watch life happening to me. I need to take back control of the reins and declare that ‘I am enough’.
Life is a never ending cycle of evaluation and learning and it is time that I hurl procrastination off a cliff and watch it tumble down and burn. It won’t happen overnight but I’m determined to let it stop controlling my life. I’ll take it one day at a time but for now I will hold up a placard and boldly declare that:
“Procrastination will no longer have a hold on me. Let’s go forth and build something great!”