Dating in the City: ‘It’s not you…it’s me’

Valentine’s Day is here already and no doubt a couple of days or months prior to this day some poor soul out there received these devastating words : it’s not you, it’s me. 

This has got to be one of the most dreaded phrases to have ever been uttered, alongside the ‘we need to talk’ speech.

This declaration thought to be the biggest cop out ever is the quickest get out of jail free card. The let’s leave on a clean slate argument.

‘It’s not you, it’s me’ aims to soothe the recipient of the message and reassure them that they are truly not at fault. However the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ statement is just plain mean and wrong on so many levels. It just serves to absolve the person uttering it of any guilt, blame or wrongdoing and make the recipient feel like utter crap.

If you have ever received this speech then you know how demoralising it can be. It knocks the wind out of your sails. You start to question and second guess everything you have ever done or said in the relationship. It puts the whole onus on you to figure out why the relationship is ending. That, yes, it is you. You are to blame for this failure.

Not only have you been unceremoniously dumped but you have also received the Judas kiss. The blue screen of death.  A flawless victory in the form of those little 5 words: ‘It’s not you, it’s me’.  What a back handed slap in the face!

The ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ comes with its own pity party. A bitter pill to swallow. But once the dust settles, things start to become clearer. You really do start to understand that it really isn’t you but them. Their inability to make you happy or work with you to try and make the relationship work isn’t a reflection of you. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope or want. Sometimes the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ saves us from further heartbreak and a tidal wave of mistakes.

Like Beyoncé said ‘Thank God I found the good in goodbye.’

Those 5 little words :it’s not you, it’s me’ might just turn out to be the best thing you’ve ever heard.

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