What Is Your Type? 

What is your type? Seems innocuous enough of a question, however this is laced with an undertone of danger. This interrogative dares you to declare your prejudice and examine your dating pool selection.

My type of man comes in the tall, dark and handsome aisle. And when I say  dark,  I don’t mean tanned or olive skinned. I like chocolate, caramel and beige to be precise.

Some of my friends feel however that I’m doing myself a disservice by being too narrow in my search and that I’m too picky.

Some have also declared that they have always pictured me with a Caucasian. Now, I’m not too sure how to take this, but I’m inferring that they believe that I can get along with anyone regardless of race and creed, which is correct. Moreover, it would be a lie if I said that I don’t find white guys attractive, especially as I have had milk in my coffee before. However, I date with the aim of meeting someone who will one day become my husband and I want to find someone from a similar cultural background as mine, with similar upbringing and life experience to boot.

  • When I’m listening to afrobeats or dancing kizomba and chopping down on some fufu, I need you to be able to join in.
  • When my girlfriends and I are bantering about ‘our’ people and ‘our’ ways, I need you to be able to relate.
  • When my mother and my aunties are spouting off their pearls of wisdom, I need you to be able to understand.

This, I guess, narrows down my search to exclusively black men – besides, I want babies that look like me 🙂

Now, if you ask me what type of black men I go for, well that’s where the trouble begins.

When I was younger I had a thing about names. It was a very odd quirk which held me back from dating anyone whose name didn’t sound good on my tongue or who I couldn’t bestow an affectionate nickname upon.  To illustrate – I was once asked out on a date by a very nice guy called Coco and I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t picture myself dating someone named Coco, sounds stupid I know,  but hey I was young and dumb. Thankfully I have grown out of this silly oddity.


I’ve also been told that I focus too heavily on looks. I don’t think this is a bad thing per se, I mean we are all visual creatures and I like to look at nice things. Besides the first thing you notice when you meet someone for the first time is their appearance. I can’t tell if you have a nice personality just by looking at you but I can sure as hell tell you if I find you attractive or not.

My fondness for eye candy has caused disappointment and led to me shedding a tear or two. Although,  parting ways had nothing to do with looks, but rather more to do with the fact that they some were immature beings who simply could not commit. I just wasn’t for them, nor them for me.

In all honesty, I just don’t believe that I have a type.

Now let’s stray away from the visual and focus on the inner beauty of a person. I would like someone who is principled, loyal and above all honest. The latter being very important to me. The qualities that I look for and admire in a person is another post in itself and I promise you the list is not exhaustive. I believe that the person you meet should complement you whilst also adding to your qualities, if they don’t, is it really worth it?

Truth be told, having a type is all well and good. However, 9 times out of 10 (please don’t quote me on this) we end up with people that do not meet our self imposed criteria or check all the boxes on our list. Having a type is a merely a guideline – a blueprint to help you navigate these dating streets.

So what is my type?


A man.

6 thoughts on “What Is Your Type? 

  1. “However, I date with the aim of meeting someone who will one day become my husband and I want to find someone from a similar cultural background as mine, with similar upbringing and life experience to boot.
    When I’m listening to afrobeats or dancing kizomba and chopping down on some fufu,I need you to be able to join in.
    When my girlfriends and I are bantering about ‘our’ people and ‘our’ ways, I need you to be able to relate.
    When my mother and my aunties are spouting off their pearls of wisdom, I need you to be able to understand”

    The above is cool and I suppose it is the prerogative of each individual to define what they’re looking for. However, one of the joys of being with someone from a different cultural background is introducing each other to your cultural quirks, traditions and insights and subsequently your children drawing from each respective parents’ background to hopefully becoming a rounded person who is open to absorbing different cultures in their own right.

    I can appreciate people’s instinct to gravitate towards someone of the same likeness, and in some cases, if you look at it from a probability perspective, there is little choice who you hook up with in terms of cultures especially if you live in a really homogeneous part of the world like Japan and not London where there are lots of people from different backgrounds.

    In my view, there is something quite uplifting to see loving relationships with people from quite divergent backgrounds, whether that be skin colour, cultures or social class. I always wonder the story behind it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I totally see where you’re coming from and there is beauty in being with someone from a different background to your own.
      I suppose it’s each to their own. People’s preference are ever changing and like I said most of the time you end up with the opposite of what you had in mind. That’s the beauty of life.

      Like

  2. What an excellent outcome. I agree when you say you want someone to relate to your culture upbringing family and ‘our’ people jokes. I love that. I have found myself abit younger thinking wow i scored a 10… to realise their heart was a minus 5. Their soul was a minus 6 and thier spirit was a minus 7. So now i dont bask on the outter as much as i did before. But i do prefer a man with a beard (sorrryyyy! Shallow-ish) but what a thought provoking peice. I enjoyed reading this will be sure to share.

    Like

    1. Thank you for reading and please do share. I’m partial to a bit of beard myself. There is something incredibly sexy about a man with a beard. And I agree, looks are just superficial, what count is what is within and I have realized this the older I’ve gotten as well.Hopefully, i shall make better choices.

      Like

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