Have you ever had that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realise that you are slowly starting to develop a crush on someone. Someone you have no business crushing on.
One day you are just sitting with that person, laughing and talking it up a storm and the next day you wake up in a cold sweat, as you catch yourself having an amorous dream about them.
This crush hits you like a cyclone, knocking the winds out off your sails. You’re verklempt. Unable to articulate the strength of your feelings. You don’t understand why this is happening all of a sudden.
Nothing has changed between you. No kiss has ever transpired, no hand holding, no lingering touch. But you feel an ache so deep for this person that it hurts to imagine them never being with you.
Everytime you see them you start undressing them with your eyes. You start to wonder what it would be like actually to kiss them.
Would it be gentle?
Would there be tongues?
Would they hold your face in their hands?
You know good and well that you have no business entertaining this crush. It is wrong and all types of fifty shades of weird but you can’t help yourself. You have fallen down the rabbit hole and it is proving difficult to climb out.
You start to convince yourself that they were made for you and that you were just too blind to see it.
You admonish yourself – you’re much too old to indulge in silly crushes. And so, you lock up your feelings in the deepest recess of your mind and pray to God that they don’t resurface.
Years go by and you are now distant strangers.
They will never know that you had a crush on them.
They will never know the fantasies you harboured.
They will never know why you became distant.
They will never know you cared for them.
They will never know that you were in love with them.
They will never know.
That’s the funny things about a crush – it comes tumbling down on you like waves and as quickly as it comes it stills itself again.
Now you have an empty shell of a friendship, all because you had a silly little crush.