What Is Your Type? 

What is your type? Seems innocuous enough of a question, however this is laced with an undertone of danger. This interrogative dares you to declare your prejudice and examine your dating pool selection.

My type of man comes in the tall, dark and handsome aisle. And when I say  dark,  I don’t mean tanned or olive skinned. I like chocolate, caramel and beige to be precise.

Some of my friends feel however that I’m doing myself a disservice by being too narrow in my search and that I’m too picky.

Some have also declared that they have always pictured me with a Caucasian. Now, I’m not too sure how to take this, but I’m inferring that they believe that I can get along with anyone regardless of race and creed, which is correct. Moreover, it would be a lie if I said that I don’t find white guys attractive, especially as I have had milk in my coffee before. However, I date with the aim of meeting someone who will one day become my husband and I want to find someone from a similar cultural background as mine, with similar upbringing and life experience to boot.

  • When I’m listening to afrobeats or dancing kizomba and chopping down on some fufu, I need you to be able to join in.
  • When my girlfriends and I are bantering about ‘our’ people and ‘our’ ways, I need you to be able to relate.
  • When my mother and my aunties are spouting off their pearls of wisdom, I need you to be able to understand.

This, I guess, narrows down my search to exclusively black men – besides, I want babies that look like me 🙂

Now, if you ask me what type of black men I go for, well that’s where the trouble begins.

When I was younger I had a thing about names. It was a very odd quirk which held me back from dating anyone whose name didn’t sound good on my tongue or who I couldn’t bestow an affectionate nickname upon.  To illustrate – I was once asked out on a date by a very nice guy called Coco and I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t picture myself dating someone named Coco, sounds stupid I know,  but hey I was young and dumb. Thankfully I have grown out of this silly oddity.

I’ve also been told that I focus too heavily on looks. I don’t think this is a bad thing per se, I mean we are all visual creatures and I like to look at nice things. Besides the first thing you notice when you meet someone for the first time is their appearance. I can’t tell if you have a nice personality just by looking at you but I can sure as hell tell you if I find you attractive or not.

My fondness for eye candy has caused disappointment and led to me shedding a tear or two. Although,  parting ways had nothing to do with looks, but rather more to do with the fact that they some were immature beings who simply could not commit. I just wasn’t for them, nor them for me.

In all honesty, I just don’t believe that I have a type.

Now let’s stray away from the visual and focus on the inner beauty of a person. I would like someone who is principled, loyal and above all honest. The latter being very important to me. The qualities that I look for and admire in a person is another post in itself and I promise you the list is not exhaustive. I believe that the person you meet should complement you whilst also adding to your qualities, if they don’t, is it really worth it?

Truth be told, having a type is all well and good. However, 9 times out of 10 (please don’t quote me on this) we end up with people that do not meet our self imposed criteria or check all the boxes on our list. Having a type is a merely a guideline – a blueprint to help you navigate these dating streets.

So what is my type?

A man.